With our Annual Chapter and Retreat postponed till the last of September, and with work being caught up and having a few minutes to just be with myself and with God, I had a few moments to reflect on some things.
This Sunday’s reading from Jeremiah really touched a nerve within me that has required some thought and prayer to come to grips with just what it means for my life.
The reading for those that may not know it is Jeremiah 20: 7-9
You duped me, O Lord, and I let myself be duped; you were too strong for me, and you triumphed. All the day I am an object of laughter; everyone mocks me. Whenever I speak, I must cry out, violence and outrage is my message; the word of the Lord has brought me derision and reproach all the day. I say to myself, I will not mention him, I will speak in his name no more. But then it becomes like fire burning in my heart, imprisoned in my bones; I grow weary holding it in, I cannot endure it.
The role of the prophet was many faceted: they would make prophecies yes, but they were also the moral compass of the people. It was their duty to call out those that were not following God’s law – especially the kings and the priests. This alone made the prophets less than welcome. Many times it caused them to be murdered.
Jeremiah, when called had made excuses, I’m too young, and I don’t know how to speak. God would have none of it – just as with Moses! God reminded Jeremiah that:
Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I dedicated you, a prophet to the nations I appointed you. -Jeremiah 1:5
As a kid I remember wanting to be many things when I grew up. But only 2 were constants, the others would change and grow or fall away as I got older and found new interests. The two that never changed?
Well, the first was to be a Consecrated Religious, which through the Grace of God, I have become. And I thank God each and every moment for it – even when it’s not easy!
The second is like the first, to be a priest and serve at the altar. And by the Grace of God, and with His continued blessings, I am working my way toward that.
But there were also a few other things I wanted to be that haven’t left my memories. I wanted to be a teacher, to inspire, to enlighten, and to help others learn something that maybe they didn’t know before, or understand something that they just couldn’t grasp before.
I also wanted to be a musician. Not like most of you are thinking. I wanted to sing and play for God. I wanted to be out there on the stage singing His words. I saw that as a way to strengthen people’s faith, to enlighten them on just how good our God is. I wanted to sing his praises for all of the blessings he had given me.
And I wanted to be a writer. I wanted to write words that people wanted to read. I wanted to be known and famous for the books I’d published, for the way my words had affected peoples hearts and lives.
Then life happened.
I was no longer a child, no longer a teenager. Working to pay the rent and the other bills became the norm…and my dreams lay forgotten.That’s where Jeremiah’s voice comes into this.
Because when God places His mark on you…there really is no where to run.
As I’ve said before I did try and run, run so far I ended up right where I began: on my knees in prayer. And His words to me? Welcome back, it took you long enough!
Like Jeremiah, when God places His mark on your soul, you just can’t help but follow His will. It’s OK at first, but then over time, it starts to burn deep in your heart, deep down inside, and you know that if you don’t do it, don’t shout it from the roof tops, you will burst into a thousand pieces. And even then, you will still burn with that desire.
I’m fast approaching middle age, and looking back at my dreams in childhood, I realized that I have achieved all but one of those childhood dreams – the ones that were more permanent, and I am working on the last one.
I am a Religious – by the Grace of God.
I am a teacher in a way. No I don’t stand in front of a classroom and teach English Lit, like I wanted to. But each day by my life, my vocation, my prayers, my love of humanity, my outward compassion for those in need. I am a teacher.
I am working on becoming a priest – with God’s continued Grace and Blessings.
I am a musician – I am organist at a wonderful little church in my town – Divine Savior Catholic Mission, in Celina, TN – stop by one Saturday evening for Mass if you are in this neck of the woods. Instead of playing on stage for thousands singing God’s praise, I get to sing with my fellow Christians songs of praise, songs of petition, songs of sorrow, and songs of joy and hope, all in front of the King Himself residing in the Tabernacle.
And I am a writer. No, I’m not a famous author who has inspired the hearts and minds of countless thousands. I write a modest blog every week or so, more when I have the time. But that writing is the burning in my soul, that desire to share with anyone who wants to read it, my journey with God to God, and hopefully, somewhere out there someone who needs to hear what I have to say, will stumble upon my blog and with God’s mercy and grace, find their way to Him.
So, looking back at my life to this point? I think I’ve done pretty darn good 
God remembered all my childhood dreams, and fulfilled each one of them. Just not the way I had dreamed it. No. He took those childish dreams and found the way to make them burn in my heart even to this day, and he made each of them come true.
When I had started this introspection I had started it with the premise that I had not accomplished any dream but being a Religious. But I have come to see that I was looking at it all wrong. He has blessed me with all of my childhood dreams. Everyone of them. He just had a different view of those dreams than I did….but you know what? I like His view a whole lot better!
May God bless you on your journey
